Taro Gami

No not Oragami. TARO GAMI.

Seriously…what?

In 1977 Japan, Taro Gami published a cute and colorful childrens book called “Everybody Poops.”  Yes its true. The writer, the publishing, and the bit about the poop. All are true. 

What could this possibly have to do with the misadventures of Marionette’s Revenge you ask. Is this blog about your bowels? The toilet system on board your boat perhaps?

No. It is about my manatees neighbors and the copious amount of shit that they produce!!!

Today’s read is fortunately for you an educational one. I know, I know…it’s about damn time I have something smart to say instead of all the usual witty rhetoric.

“Manatees are large, fully aquatic, mostly herbivorous marine mammals sometimes known as sea cows.”

And my wife loves them.

So here we are carefully tied up in the beautiful Kennedy Marina & Yacht Club. We are on the T, so that means we’re at very end of the dock. We have an unabaited view overlooking the Indian River and the Cape Canaveral launch site. And, we’ve already gotten to witness a few Space X launches which is pretty darn cool if you ask me.

But back to the manatees. A few facts if you please.

1. Manatees are mammals, and their closest relative is the elephant.

2. Manatees move at a relaxing speed of about 5 mph.

3. Manatees’ brains are small—but they’re highly intelligent

4. Manatees are very versatile swimmers.

5. Manatees have a voracious appetite.

6. Manatees were once thought to be… mermaids?

7. Manatees are constantly losing and re-growing their teeth.

8. Manatees are protected by the Marine Mammal Protection Act (MMPA).

9. Manatees don’t have any natural predators, making for a long lifespan.

10. Manatees are considered a threatened species, and their oceanic habitats are increasingly exposed to the harmful effects of factory farming.

(Number 8 expains why this doesn’t segway into a delicious seafood recipe.)

Did I mention they produce a crap load of bile!?!

The Kennedy Marina & Yacht Club has a nice wooden sea wall with a relatively small opening to allow boats to pass in and out of the marina. Its protective and I enjoy hearing the waves gently lap the wooden wall with an easterly wind. That’s one upside. Or two now maybe. Another upside is that the forementioned poo producing Sea Cows have found a safe haven in this cozy little marina on the coast of Florida. And, it’s apparently mating season for said manatees. How exciting! Well I suppose it is exciting if you are either a manatee or some sort of sick manatee voyeur. 

So being the manatee voyeur that I have recently become, it’s actually been really nice to see so many fat mermaids in one place all playing and frolicking here in our little cesspool I’ve dubbed “Feces Bay.” 

Its a fairly small bay hosting approximately 60 sailboats, 20 powerboats, 2 good sized motor yachts, 40 horny manatees and a little over 3 tons of mammal excrement. 

I counted the sailboats, powerboats, big motor yachts, but admittedly took an educated guess on the rest. It’s pretty freakin’ accurate.

There are at times floating dung EVERYWHERE. I am fairly certain I saw some old tattooed sailor holding his nose able to walk upon the water to his boat  simply by navigating his way from floating turd pile to pile. 

Taro was correct about her assement of all things great and small poop. Manatees however make up for all the wee stuff spiders and ants do. I highly recommend you Amazon that read to your home, sit upon your porcelain throne and have a good read.

I would like it to be duelly noted that much to my wife’s chagrin I was able to use the words dung, bile, shit, poo, poop, crap, turd, and feces all in one little blog. GO BIG OR GO HOME!

As for me, I’ll be out on deck getting some pointers.