“I’m going to Jackson”…Ville

You know how when you’re really proud of something, and I mean really proud you just can’t wait to tell someone. Like your spouse or, best friend, or kids, or parents? Like you’re just bursting at the seams to tell someone. You can’t stand to hold it in.

And you know how when that same thing comes back and bites you hard right in the ass you don’t tell anyone? I mean like you keep it graveyard quiet??


So Marionette’s Revenge and crew of 3 (Django, aka Cujo, Fuzzbutt, Goosecat, Braveheart, Chicken Little, MOOOVE, and Get The Hell Out Of The Way) are all heading northward from Saint Augustine towards Fernandina Beach via the ICW.

ICW by the way stands for Intracoastal Waterway for you landlubbers. And no, I don’t know why the “C” isn’t capitalized. It is not really a difficult day on the boat, just 50 miles or so northward through Jacksonville, across the river and 25ish miles to Fernandina Beach.

Except it kinda is. Difficult that is. Sorta. 

We entered the St. John’s River with a few massive naval ships under repair to our starboard (our right) and we began to cross the river back into the north side ICW. Typically 2,300 RPM’s gets us between 5-7 knots depending on current and wind conditions. Due to a harsh incoming tide were chugging along at 3.2….3.1.. 3.0…

Side note…here’s the thing with slow speeds…I have little to Oh Shit control steering our 40,000 lb. girl at 3.0 knots in a 5.0 knot current. Do the math.

Time to feed some diesel to our turboed beast!!!!

Just as I did, we experienced something I’ve never felt in a boat this size. We were actually going SIDEWAYS!!! This isn’t a fucking Disney ride! We were going sideways up the St. John’s River in 50 foot of boat!

Finally after a few very long, scary moments the hull speed outmatched the current and I was able to retake control of the boat. In retrospect I should have worn my brown pants that day. Ok, boat is under control, pants soiled, hands shaking. Check.
Jeez, I can’t wait to get out of this and back into the ICW.

Or so I thought…
You how when you go under a really low bridge in your car you habitually duck your head a few inches even though there’s a car frame above you? It was like that only I was pretending that we were really skinny. The ICW narrows down to approximately the width of an anorexic supermodels waist.Not only that it was of course low freaking tide. So little water to our port, less to starboard, and dissapering below us. Our draft (depth in the water folks) is 4.9. We were in 4.9 and 1/16. At least we were till we rounded a bend with a sand bar.

…Well at least I’m currently dressed appropriately for this moment…

Somehow, and I have no idea how, we skirted the rather shallow corner. It may have been the 3 of us half way up the mast tipping her on her side. Or aliens. 

Clueless, but grateful. Nine bridges, 2 pairs of pants, and 54 nautical miles later we safely arrive to one of my brother’s favorite fishing destinations. Beautiful Amelia Island.

To review, this was one of those trips I wished I’d have never told anyone how big, heavy, and deep our amazing boat is. Should have just kept my big mouth shut.

So for today’s lesson some of you learned ICW, port and starboard, draft, and what it takes to make me shake like a maraca at a wedding.

Review time…
DAWN Power Wash works great on most fabrics.

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